Love is blind, they say. Meet Mei-Lan and Preston: two people who were so deeply and indisputably in love with each other that they couldn’t even see it themselves. At least, not at first.
Though they certainly didn’t need it, receiving each other as one of the best Marriage Pact matches on Stanford’s campus nearly three years later was the least the algorithm could do to honor such a genuine partnership.
The pair landed in the same freshman dorm by chance in September 2018, and became close friends the following spring. For much of their friendship, romantic feelings were off the table.
Mei-Lan:
We were really close friends, best friends, for about a year. I was in a relationship for some of that time, and he was dating his girlfriend from high school for basically all of that time.
We would always walk around together, and people would mistake us for a couple. We were always like, “That’s so funny! Us dating? Hilarious.”
We found out after we started dating that when we first became friends, a ton of people thought that we were together. I was talking to this girl sophomore year, and she was like, “I always see you walking around with that guy, he’s really cute! I’m always like, ‘Go Mei-Lan!’”
But it was all platonic.
Preston:
We were just very close friends who spent a lot of time together.
The textbook excuses of soulmates in denial.
Mei-Lan:
It was a great friendship. I remember saying that Preston was the one friend I didn't have any reservations about. He’s just a very kind person, and I think we had clear value alignment from the beginning. I never had a thought that was like, “This part of you is unknowable to me.”
Preston:
Once my long-distance girlfriend and I broke up, Mei-Lan and I were spending more time together, still as friends.
Mei-Lan:
We went on a road trip to Death Valley, just as friends. I was still in a relationship at this point. Death Valley is like 10 hours away from campus, and we were in the car together that entire time.
It was one of the first experiences in my life that I was only talking to one person for that long—just uncut, uninterrupted time with him. And at the end of that, all I wanted to do was spend even more time with him.
Preston:
I would talk to my parents about Mei-Lan all the time. So when I finally told my mom that I was in love with Mei-Lan, she was like, “Yeah, I know.” I feel like I was the last person to find out.
Mei-Lan:
I hadn’t really allowed myself to think of him that way, because we had never been single at the same time. I honestly do think we were the last people to know.
The pieces started falling into place around April of their sophomore year.
Mei-Lan:
After our trip, I remember Preston was like, “Hey Mei-Lan, isn’t it wild that we just spent so much time together but still want to hang out? I feel like there’s some big action we should take. I don’t know what it is.”
And at this point, I realized I was into him. I was like, “Oh my god. He isn’t saying that the action is us dating because he just finds me fundamentally unattractive.” He’d derived this idea just hadn’t come to the final conclusion, which was a romantic relationship.
The event horizon had been crossed. It was only a matter of time.
Mei-Lan:
We figured it out literally 12 hours later. We were talking for a while, and then we kissed. I was like, “Oh, yeah. This makes sense.” It was very nice.
Preston
It was very emotional. That spring was a wonderful time.
Unfortunately, that summer harbored some unforeseen challenges—though nothing unsurmountable for two people with an unconditional love and respect for each other.
Preston:
The summer was truly terrible, because I needed to spend some time processing my previous breakup, and wasn’t dealing with it very well. But at the end of the summer, I figured out a much more healthy way to navigate that, and talked to Mei-Lan about it. And I’m so happy we decided to stay together.
Mei-Lan:
He’s being too hard on himself. I always understood why he needed to take space. We started dating literally a quarter after his previous relationship, which is just not a lot of time, and he was so kind to me through it all.
We had been close friends for so long, and I just knew, “You’re someone I wanted in my life regardless.” I knew the strength of our bond goes beyond those romantic feelings.
Preston:
I’m just so glad that it worked out the way it did.
After turning a fresh page in their relationship, Preston headed abroad for his junior fall.
Preston:
It was a nine hour time difference, but we stayed in pretty good touch. It was such a relief to know that the concerns of the summer were totally taken care of.
Mei-Lan:
There honestly was never a concern that long distance would end our relationship.
They had just reunited for the winter when COVID hit with horrendous timing. They both took the following quarter off in their respective homes: Mei-Lan in the South Bay and Preston in eastern Washington.
Mei-Lan:
During COVID, there was a time when the majority of our relationship had been long distance, which is not something you would expect when you get into a relationship during college. But restrictions have eased, and we’ve been able to see each other way more frequently.
Even in the thick of the pandemic, Mei-Lan and Preston were able to carve out time to see each other in person.
Preston:
We made the very long drive up to my house at the very start of the pandemic. It was like a 16 hour drive. Death Valley set a very important precedent here. If there’s anyone I could get through a 16 hour drive with, it’s Mei-Lan. She was queuing up 10 hours of things to listen to, and I just never felt like we ran out of things to talk about.
Mei-Lan:
Most of what we do together is talk. And I love that. I wouldn’t want it any other way. I could never be in a relationship where I didn’t always want to be talking to my partner.
Preston just offers such a unique perspective, and comes up with insights I never could have thought of. I also just think he’s very funny. He’s the funniest person. I think I’ve gotten funnier because of knowing him.
Preston:
Mei-Lan is a performer in a lot of conversations, in a very, very fun way.
There are a lot of things I really want to talk about with people, but there’s not enough of a value alignment with most people to have a long discussion with them. But I can with Mei-Lan.
Mei-Lan:
The value Preston places on kindness and on sharing happiness with others is really unparalleled. And I felt that way when we were just friends. I can say with confidence that he is genuinely the best person I’ve ever met. Just a stellar human being.
When their senior fall rolled around, Mei-Lan and Preston unquestioningly took the Marriage Pact survey as they had every year prior. Seeing each other’s initials in their inboxes a week later was a truly surreal experience.
Preston:
We pretty much knew we had to have matched. We were like, “So… this is impossible.”
Mei-Lan:
I kept texting people saying, “I’m pretty sure Preston and I just matched.” It was pretty exciting.
I asked them how they reacted when their suspicions were confirmed.
Preston:
I laughed very, very loudly.
Mei-Lan:
Yeah, I laughed too. I’ve seen so many stories of other couples matching, and it was so wild and surreal to be on the other side of that. We got to be the main characters that day.
Preston:
We sent it to literally everyone we knew.
Mei-Lan and Preston were perceptive to realize that algorithmic compatibility depends on similar question interpretations, not just similar answers.
Preston:
The thing about matching is that you need to have very similar conceptions and interpretations of the questions. I honestly think that might have been the bigger factor.
We already knew that we have similar interpretations, because the way we think is so aligned. So we first understood what they were asking in the same way, and then because we’re so compatible, our answers aligned too.
Mei-Lan:
I think that’s partially why we didn’t match beforehand. After talking with each other for so long, I think our interpretations and perspectives helped shape each other.
They share just a couple of the ways they’ve helped each other grow in their relationship.
Mei-Lan:
I think before we started dating, I would have answered differently for the questions about honesty vs protecting feelings. By nature, I’m very conflict-averse. But Preston is really good at being honest with people, but saying it in a way that’s very empathetic. He’s definitely someone who won’t hide things, but who will never make you feel bad about anything, and it’s helped me learn to do the same.
Preston:
Mei-Lan is one of the most patient people I know. I, by nature, am very irritable, and can express that, and Mei-Lan does not. And that is something that I’ve tried to integrate into my life.
Mei-Lan:
I also like to talk more than he does. For the question that says “I crave the spotlight,” I put a 6. And he put like, a 2. And it’s great. Because there’s only one spotlight. But in all honesty, I feel so seen and heard by him.
Mei-Lan and Preston exhibit such a rare and complete understanding of the way the other functions, and find endless value in dissecting the dynamics of their relationship to get to the roots. They treat their relationship as something to nurture, grow, and build upon, rather than something to simply preserve. It’s one of many things that makes their partnership so special to witness.
Mei-Lan:
I was thinking about the question on the survey that says, “Love should be effortless.” I think to some people, it might seem anti-romantic to work hard to get into the details of communication in our relationship. But we just find it very gratifying to get into the cogs and figure out the precise issue we’re having.
Preston:
Sitting down and having a thorough discussion about what the problem was is how we show that we care.
Mei-Lan:
I have never met someone who is so delighted with learning and understanding not just our relationship, but the world, as he is. I talked to a lot of people who are very career oriented, but Preston’s first priority is always, “Wow, this is so cool, and I want to understand it better.” And I just find that to be such an incredible trait. I think that I’m a better person because I spend so much time with you.
Preston:
I just think Mei-Lan is such an extraordinarily kind person. She is very outcome oriented in every conversation, and truly cares about the well-being of other people. I’ve spent so much time with her, and I never once have felt unheard.
Mei-Lan and Preston are lucky to have found such a true friend in the other, and are endlessly deserving of the love that runs between them.
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